i cried for the last few days.. bukan hanya kerana takutkan result yang bakal dihadapi, bahkan mengimbau kembali kenangan-kenangan bersama examiners.
i had long case with an external examiner and Prof Kamaliah. i got ALL case. i really don't want this case.. i was hoping for a much easier case, but Allah knows the best for me.. So, He gave me this ALL case.. the problem I faced was not that big enough... except for the prognostic part... the external examiner (a paediatrician, I supposed) asked me, what investigation would you like to do to confirm remission? (something like this). I blurred, but not to keep myself quiet. I just said, I would like to send blood investigation such as Full Blood Count to see for anemic status (a very basic investigation.. actually, i just don't want to keep myself silent).. then, the external repeated the question, so, how do you confirm remission? silent. i just say, Bone Marrow Aspiration. and suddenly, he said, YES! Phew~ leganya... but that was not the end. He added, so, how do you confirm remission? and there we go again. OBVIOUSLY, i didn't know the answer... then, i said, when the blast cells reduce (i've read this somewhere).. ok, he said. but, how many percent? owh ooo... i didn't know... i looked at Prof Kamaliah, and i glanced at Dr Nazri, but knowing that i would get no answer. so, i looked at the external examiner again... i said, 8%?? he said, ALMOST ACCURATE GUESS. it was 5%. OoPss~ (huh! lucky guess, but i wasn't suppose to do that. i just should say, Sorry, Sir. I don't know, instead of saying 8%). hurm.. i regretted a bit. actually, i've read this topic, a long time ago, like 6 weeks ago, and yet, I could recall nothing much... but I'm very very very thankful to Allah, the Almighty.. coz without Him, I wouldn't have the courage to face this... Thank You, Allah :)
as for short cases, I had swelling at the left hand, axillary lump and fibroid.
1) the first case, the Dr asked me, what is the name of tumor that could possibly coming from tendon? urgh~ i tried to recall. i could recall faten's face, telling us, the tumor's name. I could remember nothing. padahal, i really like bone tumors so much before! i couldn't even remember GIANT CELL TUMOR. urgh~ Prof Faisham must be very upset about this. I was in OORU's team when i was in 4th year.. I did enjoy my posting, eventhough the doctors didn't really bother about us (hey, they still noticed our existence, ok! at least~)
2) the axillary lump case. this was the most horrible, as I could appreciate no lump initially. but Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me some hypersensation of the fingers... the horrible part was, when the sarcastic surgeon asked me, the drainage of the axilla, and that was obviously a basic question.. but i only knew, lymph drainage of the breast which will drain to axilla.. i didn't know others! urgh~ i felt like crying, and didn't want to move to the next station.. and luckily, Prof Nora was there. she held me, by my shoulder.. grabbed me to her station..
3) the most calm one.. after leaving this station, i cried hardly. hugged yasmin. and lucky me, she was there, in front of me. to support me. i owe her a lot.
today, went to see the lecturers.. met Prof Nora.. i said, sorry, Prof.. teruk sangat buat short cases hari tu... then, she replied, memang teruk pun... nasib baik lulus jer.. sigh~ terpaksa terima pukulan manja depan semua orang. urgh~ memalukan! and yet, akan jadi sweet memory! Insya Allah, saya akan work harder, Prof :)
Alhamdulillah.. nama sudah pun diumumkan.. bererti, pengajianku sebagai undergrad student sudah pun tamat... segulung ijazah bakal dibawa pulang.. gambar graduasi bakal digantungkan (Ayah, please keep note on this ye! I want my photo, hang up next to yours, mama's or azim's) hehe~
just to quote something from my reading, Nik Nur Madihah said in the book, "Kejayaan ini bukan milikku mutlak. Aku hanya sebuah alat yang telah diusahakan oleh ramai orang: ibu bapa, guru-guru dan teman-teman. Yang pasti, aku adalah alat yakni khalifah Allah yang mempunyai tanggungjawab yang besar untuk `mengotakan' ilmu yang telah dipelajari di jalanNya.
TERIMA KASIH YANG TAK TERHINGGA BUAT SEMUA! HANYA ALLAH YANG MAMPU MEMBALAS JASA BAIK KALIAN :D
Friday, April 15, 2011
a friend of mine said: Yang penting study.. Stress ke, ada masalah ke, tak masuk mana ke, takpa... Yang tu letak ke tepi.. Yang penting kita usaha, do'a dan tawakkal.. Mana tahu masa exam nanti, Allah permudahkan.. Apa yang kita baca, kita faham masuk... katanya lagi: Teringat pula zaman2 dulu., masa kita nk pro 1., lebih krg jugak kan situasinya., risau mcm2, stress pn ada., tp alhamdulillah kita berjaya., bkn setakat pro 1 je., Allah dah permudahkan utk kita naik ke thn 2, 3, 4, dan sampai lah sekarang, final year., Mungkin dulu kita pernah terbayang apa kita mampu nak hadapi semua ni., betapa mencabarnya nk menempuh jalan ini., tak dinafikan, among the toughest route., tp bila difikir., ada sebab semua nie berlaku., Allah percaya, Dia yakin kita mampu hadapi semua nie., If Allah is with us, who else dare to against us., believe in ourself, believe in Allah., mesti percaya, nanti kan berjaya... thanks a lot, my friend... rasa smangat tetiba! :)